My mom was my best friend. We used to do everything together. From gardening to grocery shopping. I did daycare for a little girl named Madison when Mom was alive. Madison and I Went to mom's every morning for coffee. Mom would pour a little coffee in Maddy's cup and fill the rest with milk and a little sugar and Madison would sit at the table with us talking away and making us laugh. She was 2 then.

Mom and I put a garden in together every year. We would plant and weed and work side by side and she'd sometimes tell me about her life when she was young. When the beans were ready to harvest we'd pick them in the hot sun, bending over the rows moving our baskets along as we went.Then we'd sit in the shade with a cool drink and snap them. I learned alot from her during those times.

If my husband and I were going out to dinner or shopping he'd tell me to call Mom and see if she wanted to go along.Sometimes she would other times not.He loved her as much as I did.And truly enjoyed her company.We were good friends as well as family. When my Dad died Mom was lost for a time. They'd been together since they were both young.She didn't know how to be herself with out him for awhile.They had been together for over 40 years and she missed him so much.

She told me the morning he died that he wanted to go visit some close friends of theirs. They went. After visiting for awhile.Dad and Harry got up to outside and look at some piece of machinery Harry had bought.Mom said Dad looked at her gave her a wink and a smile that melted her heart before walking out the door. The next thing she knew Harry came running in to call 911 and Dad was on the ground not breathing. He died instantly of a massive heart attack.

After the funeral mom stayed with my older sister for awhile.When she went back to her own home one of the grandkids would stay with her until she got used to Dad not being there. It was harder on her I know than she would ever let on to us kids.

I asked her one day to come and sit with Madison so I could go the doctors office for an appointment. She loved sitting with Madison .I got back around 2:30 and Mom and I visited for a bit before she left to go home. Maddy was napping. So I took advantage of the quiet time to tidy up the house. My daughter Miranda came home from school and she was wearing a sheriffs jacket.I asked her where she had gotten it. She said "Mom a train is blocking the drive again and the cop made me where his coat down here and tell you he wants to talk to you."It was a cold day in February and Miranda seldom wore a coat when she drove to school. The railroad tracks go accross the top of our driveway. And lots of times the trains would block it as they waited on another train to get to the side tracks.

I didn't know why the cops wanted to talk to me. the trains blocked our drive several times a month it wasn't anything new to us. I went up the drive and could see several police cars on the other side of the train. Our local cop Barney was waiting for me at the top of the drive. He said "Pie has anyone been to your house recently?" All I could think of was there must be a criminal in there area. Dumb of me now I know.I said no no one had been around .He said "What about your Mom? I told him she had been there a couple of hours ago but that she was the only one who had been there.

I could see the engine of the train a ways down the tracks.It finally started to sink in. I said" No! Don't you tell me that,Don't say it Barney!" My Mom was killed in my driveway that cold gray day. I couldn't understand how.She'd been to my house hundreds of times.She knew to watch out for the trains. How could she not have seen it? How in the world could I not have known it? Why didn't I hear the trains whistle, the screech of it's wheels as it tried to stop? the crunch of metal as it hit Moms car? It was right outside my home and I didn't hear it. Later a neighbor told me they heard it from a half a mile away.

I had to go back to the house and call my sisters and brothers. When I walked in Miranda has already figured it out.She said "Who mom?Who was it." I told her it was her Nanny. She screamed "NO! NO MOM NO not Nanny" She threw herself to the floor in a heap. I didn't want to make those calls. I felt so guilty. If I hadn't asked her to do yet another favor for me, she wouldn't have been there that day.I was so afraid that my family would feel that same way. Barney offered to make the calls for me but I knew I had to do it. It was my fault.

We are a very close family and Mom was the center of it all. She was the heart of our family. She wasn't just my best friend but my sisters and brothers best friend too. We all turned to Mom when we needed to talk to someone, needed a hug or a hot meal. Mom's house was the place everyone gathered at to share good times, good news, talk about your problems and just drop by for a visit. What would they all feel about me now?

I knew Mom,she would be saying "Pie,don't you dare blame yourself for this,don't you do it.It was just my time" I could hear her in my heart, I really could. But my head kept saying why?Why did you have to ask her to come over today? It has taken along time to get that voice in my head to quiet down. And sometimes the guilt creeps back in.My family said that they never blamed me but sometimes that voice will try to whisper to me that deep down they really do. She died in YOUR driveway because YOU asked her to come and sit for you that day.

Then I have to tell myself not to listen. I never wanted that to happen it was an accident. I miss Mom. I miss the times we shared. I miss her smile,her hands,her cooking,her love,talking to her on the phone.I miss her. I haven't put a garden in since she died.

Thanks to all who answered with solutions to my pantie mishap. As for not wearing any at all well,well, (much sputtering)John I couldn't possibly do that. Once again what if I were in a car accident? My mama raised me right she not only said "Always have on clean underwear" but also,"Make sure you have on underwear" Even if they are inside out. And a thong uh.. no. I think you got that right prankster. Thats a wedgie from the get go. Panties in a pinch indeed! Now Nancelia's idea of alternating is tempting. 2 days wear out of one pair? Hummmm. I hate doing laundry. It would save on detergent and electricity not to mention water and wear and tear on the appliances. Oh who am I kidding? It had me in such a state last night that I almost got my panties in a wad.

Well I did it again. Wore my underwear wrong side out. I hate when I do that. I didn't notice the error until I was at work last night. I couldn't turn them right side out then, It was to late. What if another woman came into the bathroom and saw my jeans in a heap on the floor under the stall door and my bear legs sliding back into my panties? I'd be the talk of the plant! They'd all want to know why I took my pants all the way off at work. Yes the word would get around there faster than superman on roller skates. I could just hear it"Pie had her jeans and panties off in the bathroom what could she have possibly been doing in there?" So all night I'm working and feeling all unsettled because my underwear are wrong side out. What if I get into an accident on the way home and have to be rushed barely clinging to life to the hospital I thought. They are going to think what's wrong with this woman that she can't put her underwear on the right way! They'll probably run a blood test to see if I'm drunk. With my last wheezing breath I would have to croak out" no..no..just a clothing malfunction ....' Luckily I made it home safe and was able to change my panties in the privacy of my own home. Except for my 2 dogs who watched me looking at each other like what the hell is that crazy lady doing now?

I wake up with dark mascara smudges under my eyes.My hair is standing up in tufts all over my head and I have pillow creases making zig zags across my cheeks.You roll over open your eyes and smile at me saying"Good morning beautiful"And I know you mean it.

No one has ever loved me like you.

I put the car in reverse and back up to quickly. I smash into the fence post I didn't see back there.I cry telling you how badly I damaged the car. You wipe away my tears look into my eyes and say"I'm just glad your o.k.Babe,that bumper can be replaced but you can't"

No one has ever loved me like you.

I try to quit smoking and put on extra pounds,filling my mouth with food instead of my lungs with smoke. I can't do it.I feel like a fat failure now. You tell me "Hey I'm proud of you for trying.You'll kick it one of these days.And no you are not fat"

No one has ever loved me like you.

I go out with the girls for a night on the town.We laugh and drink and have a good time.But I drink too much and can't drive home.I know I will wake you but I call any way and ask if you'll come pick me up?You say "Sure hon,I'm so glad you didn't try to drive.Be there real soon".

No one has ever loved me like you.

I try a craft project.I can't get the cap off the can of green spray paint so I take a screwdriver to it.Something goes terribly wrong and spray paint comes shooting out all over.I am so surprised for a second or two I can't move.Then I run out the back door yelling"Holy Shit!"I come back in to see you standing in the doorway frowning looking at our once white kitchen walls now green,our tile floor now green too.Then you look up at me, I too am now green.I think your going to give me hell for spray painting inside.But you start to grin at my greenness then to laugh.Finally you hug me and say"Come on you nut,I'll help you clean this all up"

No one has ever loved me like you.

I apply for a new job and get an interview. It goes great I nailed it.I get a call saying they've gone with someone else.I am sad and pissed off it sounded so positive at the interview.You tell me"Babe it's their loss you would have been great at that job, You are so good.They missed out by not hiring you"

No one has ever loved me like you.

I look at you and see the man I never want to be with out. A man who told me once "I will do anything to support our family I'll peel potatoes if I have to." I see a man who supports me ,encourages me,thinks I'm smart,makes me laugh,thinks I'm beautiful, trusts and respects me.

No one has ever loved me like you.

A few years ago I was not in a good place. I was so unhappy. I felt very empty. Like I needed something,Something was missing in my life, but wasn't really sure what that might be. I tried to tell myself it was my husbands fault.That he just didn't make me happy anymore.I really thought it was his responsibility to make sure I was happy. I felt life had lost it's flavor.I started praying to God to help me understand what I needed to do in my life. I started thinking maybe I needed to go back to church. Only problem was I didn't belong to a church. I started going to a few different churches in the area. The first one I went to the people there were very open and welcoming.I thought this is good,nice. The minister was positive and warm. When it got to the sermons people were shouting out AMEN BROTHER and PRAISE THE LORD!When hymns were sung they would raise their arms in the air waving them back and forth swaying from side to side with the music. I was out of my comfort zone there. I am not knocking them mind you. Just saying that it just wasn't for me. So I kept on praying for God to lead me to the church for me.The next one I tried was cold, no one ever said welcome, hi,are you new here or much of anything.Plus it was a fire and brimstone preacher. Again it didn't feel right. So I kept on praying some more. One night I was flipping around on the internet going to different sites mostly humor sites. And somehow and I swear I don't know how I ended up on a Catholic webpage. I started reading about the catholic church,their beliefs ect..And I thought my Gosh this all makes so much sense to me! But NO WAY could God be leading me here.I didn't even know any catholics. So I prayed some more.Along the way as I was doing all this praying I came to except it wasn't my husbands fault at all that I wasn't happy.And I found what had been missing in my life was God. I went to the library the next day and checked out some books about the faith. It was still making sense to me the more I read. I read and prayed and prayed and read until I could no longer ignore that God was telling me to check it out. I called the church and spoke to the priest and got an appointment to see him. I was still in disbelief at myself as I walked up to the parish house to knock on the door that day. But I told myself if you believe in God then who are you to question His intentions? The priest asked me why I wanted to become catholic.I told him I wasn't sure I wanted to but felt the need to look into it deeper. I didn't tell him that this was not my plan but what I thought was Gods plan for me.That fall I went to the RCIA classes(a period of inquiry) It took me 8 months.I started going to mass at the same time I started the classes.From the day I walked in and sat in the pew and listened to Father Ed say the mass I knew I was home. It felt RIGHT and GOOD. But Lord Am a 42 year old woman about to be converted to the catholic faith.Are you sure about this? He was. And my life has changed in the most wonderful ways since I listened to Him and opened my heart up for Him to lead me. Blessings abound! I've been a member of St.James church for almost 3 years now my husband decided on his own to go thru RCIA and joined last year. Our marriage has never been stronger and our lives have never been richer as our love for God grows deeper. I did get a lot of negative feed back from some friends and family who just couldn't understand why I was doing it but I just couldn't get them to understand I was following Gods will. I know people thought I was nuts,it was just when the sex scandals were breaking rampantly in the church. And they are a terrible, horrible thing(Not to be swept away or ignored) but they are not the catholic church. By now my family accepts us being catholic and are very supportive of us. And It feels SO great to love God and be loved by Him. Ain't life Grand?