I've been reading a lot of other peoples blogs of late. Let me tell you there are sure some wars of words going on out there!

Politics,religion,lifestyles. You name it and some where out there people are arguing about it. I have certain people I "root" for as I read them. Taking their side in the disagreement and hoping they outwit and out write the other. I read back and forth through the comments thinking "oh yea good point" or maybe "what the hell do they mean by that?"

There are some discussions that I feel very strongly about. And I eagerly wait to see what the next response from" my" writer will be.Then cheer for him or her when it seems they have won the argument.
Sometimes though things just fizzle out. One or the other writers will either lose interest or just give up.

I find the religious arguments sometimes hard to read.I try to be open minded but I really can't be when someone says that there is no God. I just hope that the person trying to defend Gods existence is making and impact on the other.
I want to jump in and say"Oh yes! He does exist, He lives still!!" but my words seem so inadequate.They always want solid proof. To me the proof is all around me. It's in the bible, it's in the beauty of a sunrise, it's in the kind deed done by a stranger,it's in the prayers of someone suffering from illness and yet never blaming God or choosing to turn away from Him. It's in my heart.
But those aren't the words that will change someones mind who chooses not to believe. Not that I believe some will change their minds,but I hope they will. So I let the ones with the right words argue for me.

What I've seen is some people are open to new views on the topics near and dear to them and others are dead set in believing there is only one view of the world and that is theirs. O.k. I am being a little hypocritical because I won't even entertain the idea that God doesn't exist.But I won't beat up on you if it's not your belief. But I might pray for you.

I am a grumpy girl this morning. I got to work last night and had to go help out in another area that was behind in their work. Now I don't mind helping them get caught up if we're all working hard together. So There I am busting my ass trying to get the job done when I walk by one of the women from that area sitting on her butt reading a magazine and drinking a cup of coffee.

Oh no way.I was pissed. I told them That crap had better end right now. That I didn't mind helping but if they couldn't pull their own weight I'd be damned if I do it for them. It ticked me off because it happens every time someone from our area goes up to help them out,they just screw off and let us do their work.

Then I get a call from another area. The girl says "pie my work area is to cold" Now I am the union steward there but come on. How was this a union issue? But I call maintenance and ask them to please check it out.
Then I have another person come up to me saying Angie is out of her area visiting Steve again. I can't babysit Angie.I've already told her she is on a "last chance" write up so please don't give them any reason to boot you out the door. I talk to Angie AGAIN.

Then Ron in the process center tells me management isn't offering their overtime in the contractual agreed upon time frame. I know this I've spoke to management before and they assure me they are doing the best they can to try to offer it in a timely manner.Which I know is crap,and they know I know it. A grievance in the making.

And the boss is on vacation so I had to run around and offer the overtime to everyone in my own area.

Life was not grand last night. Now I'm going to bed and will surely wake up in a less grumpy, whiny, frame of mind.

I was talking with a friend a mine a few weeks ago when she said something about us being middle aged. WHAT?!? Well pie she says we are middle aged.
My God when did this happen? I hadn't even thought about that before.
She said Pie your going through menopause for petes sake.
I know but I'm actually terribly young to be going through it.
Your 45.
Yes but isn't that young? I mean really much too young.
Well look at us,we're not as young as we once were.
Hey I still look damn good!
Well your not 29 anymore.
I'm just more mature now.
She says mother nature takes over and you just have to realize that.
Oh I'm ready for you mother nature. I've got a cabinet in the bathroom full of wrinkle cream, wrinkle filler, wrinkle eraser,night cream,day cream,toner, eye cream, hair color..... Bring on Babe,I'm ready for you...

I have been noticing something for quite awhile now and it has me a little stumped. Maybe you all can give me some insight on it. I have noticed that for a lot of us the people we profess to love and cherish the most in this world are the same ones we treat the worst. Even simple courtesies we allow for others are lost to our loved ones.

For example.I was at the wedding of an old friend this weekend and a couple sitting with another group a table over were in the direct path to the bar. The husband when getting up to go to the bar would say excuse me or I'm sorry as he squeezed by the others to get through. Except when he would try to get by his wife. Then he would just look down at her and say"move".

Why is it that those we care for the most we don't give the courtesy and respect to that we would give a stranger we may never see again? I am guilty of this myself. I have been wondering about it. I don't know how many times I've put someone else's feelings before my husbands. A lot though I'm sure. I see it all the time. I've seen people smile and act like they're all happy and sweet to others talking and laughing and turn around and snap at their spouse or children in the same breath.

Is it because we worry about what others will think about us? If so why aren't we MORE concerned about the ones that we love opinions of us than that of people we barely know? I say that my husband is the most important person in my life, and he is, but in retrospect my actions and words haven't always shown that. It could be I suppose because I know how much he loves me that I think rudeness doesn't matter. But that is a wrong assumption on my part. Because it does matter. It matters because I want him to be happy and never to feel as though there is ever anyone but God who comes before him in my life.

Why do you think then that it is I do this so often? I don't know but I'm going to try to stop it. To put my money where my mouth is, so to speak.

My friend Diesel said he is having trouble liking trains this week after reading that it was a train that took my Moms life. I know that he is empathizing with me. And it is most sincerely appreciated. But after reading his blog since I started writing here I know that trains are a passion of his. I have no doubt that he will always love trains,even if for a little while he doesn't like them. I am glad that he loves trains. He sees the beauty in the machine.

This is what bothers me now. I promise after I get this said I will leave this subject alone.

I feel bad for the engineer that was operating the train that day. I imagine the horror he must have felt knowing there was no way he could stop in time. I wish I could have told him that I never blamed him. I hope that it was something he was able to let go of.He had no control over it.I know that.

My greatest hope is that Mom never knew what was coming.That there was no fear in the last minutes of her life.That preys on my mind. It bothers me very much. I like to imagine that Jesus was there at that last second and blocked the view of the train coming at her as he took her hand to lead her home.That helps me cope.